I hate You, Don’t Leave Me- Understanding The Borderline Personality

Posted: February 15, 2014 in Uncategorized

I believe this book should be mandatory reading in high school. I do not concur with the use of drugs to treat the disorder. Rather, I see this as a calling to the US and western society in general that we have to acknowledge we are doing things wrong, and we have to compensate for our modern lives while still being the humans we have always been. If there is one thing this book shows it is that a healthy stable family, with biological mother and father offering a single message with an attentive persistence is far more important than we give credit to. It shows that our hyper sexual, hyper violent, hyper addictive society has come to force acceptance of the symptoms of our dysfunction on the culture instead of correction the root problem of shoring up the family. This is reflected in our pressure to accept abortion and gay marriage, wars and guns, and marijuana and prescription psychotics. These new policies are designed to remove the consequences (that often come unpredictable and grouped together as this book shows) for poor behavior. It shows that the way we live as observed by the rest of society and to young mind, is confusing, hypocritical, and damaging in its message. These mixed messages can lead to a lifetime of confusion and mental angst.

Judge my conclusion only after reading this or a like scientific text. Many of these conclusion are in opposition of my own self interest or that which would make me “feel” good. I can only follow the evidence. I can only recommend changes to the system based upon the feedback from the cycles.

Here is the book in PDF form.
I Hate You–Don’t Leave Me

  1. Mat says:

    Absolute the best, don’t have the words enough to tell you what this reading did for me. I am 67 years old. My two daughters thankfully pushed me to go to the Hospital to determine why my life has been such a “trauma”. You answered many queations i your book. Mat

  2. Dan Tatro says:

    Thank you for providing the book in PDF format, but I can’t help but be repulsed by your comment about abortion and gay marriage. Society isn’t spiraling downwards as a result of dysfunctional families, it is the result of highly pressured, unnaturally rigid upbringings and expectations that not every child can meet. As a result, you will have isolated individuals who develop mental ailments resultinv from unresolved inner turmoil. War and guns, violence and promiscuity have always been here. Abortion and gay marriage are irrationally sensationalized “issues”.

  3. Dan, Thank you for taking time to comment. Wow, so much life has changed and so much still the same.
    As for your state of cognitive dissonance (repulsed) I have no remedy but reality for you. This blog being an extension of myself are geared towards scientific thoughts and methods of arriving at conclusion. As such I entertain comments only as hypothesizes and theories that can be tested, researched, or experimented out. The use of “thought experiments” and “analogies” is the best tool of this text based world we call “the internets” . Only once you accept reality is opposed to your previously held beliefs through this method will your state of dissonance be relieved.

    Since you provided no basis for your assertions, let us look at some of them as “theories”. We will use this book , I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me”, as a method of validation. First, “Society isn’t spiraling downwards as a result of dysfunctional families..” The entire book is based upon the negative effects of dysfunctional families. (I find irony in how much care the authors take in not affirming the social attributes as a “cause” with certainty.) In fact each chapter starts out with at least one narrative showing how the social environment effects our behavioral choices. Sexuality is just that, a behavioral choice that is a manifestation, a symptom of our social environment. (We could go forever into the failed work of Dean Hamer to prove otherwise.) Yes, I know it doesn’t feel like a “choices” anymore than liking strawberries feels like a choice. The greatest trick the that Subconscious has ever pulled on humanity is convincing our conscious that is doesn’t exist. There is a chapter specifically dedicated to “The borderline society” in which the authors predict that in fact we are creating a world with more unstable anxiety as a society that mimics the state of mind of a borderline. In it, of sexuality, they write, “… researchers estimate a significantly increased rate of sexual perversions among borderlines. Environmental factors that may theoretically contribute to the development of sexual identity include lack of role models, sexual assaults, an insatiable need for affection and attention, discomfort with one’s own body, and inconsistent sexual information.” We live in an environment where we learn more about sex from the kids at school and media sources than we do our parents. Sexual assault is a daily occurrence if it were described to our more recent of ancestors. The need for attention and affection is highlighted by our need for “Likes”, “followers”, “votes”, and “cliques”. Something gotten outside the family constructs. We say, “don’t body shame” but our most well paid earners of attention are those of “beefy men” and “sexual provocative women”. This book, considered the most profound material on the subject of BPD, should boil your blood in how much time they spend on “dysfunctional” (aka non traditional) families and the role these changing environments play in emotional disorders.

    Second, “it is the result of highly pressured, unnaturally rigid upbringings and expectations that not every child can meet. “ While it sounds like some “projection”. There is no evidence. It is actually next to impossible to have “rigid upbringings and expectations” in this society. We have a society where everything from sexuality to drug use and violence is available and advertised to you on a daily basis. Parents with a rigid message have to compete with the “never never land” pseudo reality outside of the home. You “upbringing” in modern USA is not limited to your home, school, and church. The messages are mixed and confusion. The “paradox of choice” lead to confusion and depression. Because “when everything is possible, nothing is possible.” (Dr. Barry Schwartz – Paradox of Choice.) To completely dispute your theory. In the Amish society, they have nearly nonexistent occurrences of depression, suicide, drug use, acts of violence, or even autism. They have no occurrences of homosexuality or abortion, and yet they are the happiest subgroup inside the US society. There would be the only “sterile” case of “rigid upbringings”.

    Last point I will address is “War and guns, violence and promiscuity have always been here. Abortion and gay marriage are irrationally sensationalized “issues”. Aside from the obvious that when the first two humans got together to make the first family, no matter which manner you believe that happened, there was no cases of gay marriage or abortion. That had to come much later. That said, you have a very “Euro-centric” view, and thus completely void of reality, of the development of humanity. In his letter to King Ferdinand, Columbus described the people he met as such.

    “The people of this island and of all the other islands which I have found and of which I have information, all go naked, men and women, as their mothers bore them, although some of the women cover a single place with the leaf of a plant or with a net of cotton which they make for the purpose. They have no iron or steel or weapons, nor are they fitted to use them. This is not because they are not well built and of handsome stature, but because they are very marvellously timorous. They have no other arms than spears made of canes, cut in seeding time, to the ends of which they fix a small sharpened stick. Of these they do not dare to make use, for many times it has happened that I have sent ashore two or three men to some town to have speech with them, and countless people have come out to them, and as soon as they have seen my men approaching, they have fled, a father not even waiting for his son… But so they are, incurably timid. It is true that, after they have been reassured and have lost this fear, they are so guileless and so generous with all that they possess, that no one would believe it who has not seen it. They refuse nothing that they possess, if it be asked of them; on the contrary, they invite any one to share it and display as much love as if they would give their hearts.”

    Being that the laws of social evolution is that we develop only the things and traits that we need to survive, for at least 17,000 years, while Europeans, Asians, and North Africans are developing weapons, waging wars, and being “promiscuous”, this society, far away from that world that you view as “human history” had developed none of that stuff. No reason for cloths, no reason for weapons, or forts, or defense, no reason for drugs. They were happy and giving. Columbus essentially found The Garden of Eden”and then broght to it, addictions to “sex, drugs, and violence.” And now 400 years later, here you are telling me that “that is how humans have always been.” No.. no we ave not. Once we paid attention to our social environments. Once sex was something that was meant to conceive children to sustain the tribe. The only “addictions” that were validated were the dopamine, serotonin, and and oxytocin releases that came from two parents reinforcing their bond and their dedication to each other and thus, their family. Getting those neurochemical releases from any other source was rejected by the tribe.

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